Dear Future Husband: Hello, goodbye.
A song told me that ‘only fools rush in’. And I’m no fool, I’ll keep my solitary state of soul for as long as I can. I’ll care for myself, first. Right… You’ll come in last, but don’t worry, you’ve got a guaranteed seat beside me, beside the driver’s seat, behind the door, under my skin and over my head. Hmm… where should I go, first? Ah! I’ll go to places where I can see reality far from action-filled romance of work and people. You can join me if you want, but don’t pull me down.
I’ll meet people who love what I love. People that understand how it’s like to fall from greatness, be locked in a cage of depression, and rise from where love came from. People who often cut their finger when the string fails them in the middle of the stage. People that carry themselves by unvoiced thoughts and minds of greater world. People who pose themselves as ‘addict with a pen’ and also, addicted to the wind who sways them mindless, spineless, ad hopeful. You can join me if you want, but don’t tell me to stop.
My parents asked me to find a man who can see why their marriage lasted through the years. The partnership-in-faith that never lose and backs down. They’re kind of achievers of honesty and loyalty awards, not only in the workplace, but also in their bond. I salute them for bringing us to the right direction and pace. I salute them for staying and withstanding crumbling walls of Jericho, driving on the sea of love-eating monsters, and for keeping our candles bright at night. A love that sparked in a center of Hearts in the East Avenue of depressing organs trying to revive lives. I want you to withstand and understand these things. If you don’t, at least try.
I used to say that I never want to see my skin wrinkled, crumpled or creased. My eyes slowly sinking and my spine rapidly bending forward. I want to die young, but I might think twice or thrice or I might never think of it anymore. I’ll stay, because of you, I’ll stay. You should do same. I’m asking you to stay. I don’t want to see another man falling off his feet and heading straight to their mahogany coffins like how I drift to sleep when I traveled too far. I want you to try and try and try and try your best to stay. Stay alive for me. Please……